Addiction: a love story

I’ve been thinking a lot about a quote I heard from Byron Katie.  A mother was distraught over her addict daughter, and Katie asked her, “if this was your daughter’s only path to God, would you not want her to take it?”

This really hit me.  I’ve spent a lot of wasted moments feeling regret over my addiction, but when I heard her question, I felt overwhelming gratitude.

I am an addict and alcoholic in recovery.  Through recovery, I have met my God.  If my years lost in addiction and alcoholism were my only path to God, would I regret them?

And, it turns out, my addiction was my path to God.  Having a relationship with my Higher Power, whom I call God (for simplicity sake), has provided me with peace of mind.  I no longer obsess over every decision and obstacle in my life.  Today, I trust that whatever is in front of me is part of my Higher Power’s plan.  I trust that I am exactly where God wants me to be at that moment.  What a relief!!!  I don’t spend hours caught up in frustration over my life and what I have or don’t have.  I am content today, because of my belief that everything is good in God’s world, and I am in His world.  

Prior to becoming sober and entering recovery, I was so sick: physically, emotionally and spiritually.  I had no hope for the future.  I agonized over every decision to be made.  I believed that at every fork in the road, I had made the wrong choice.  I isolated from others to instead spend time alone with my sick, sad thoughts.  I kept searching for things outside me to provide relief from the misery inside.  I used drugs, booze, food, shopping, men, sex, etc.  I was addicted to all of it and miserable because I could not see that the answer to the aching required an INSIDE job.  None of the external sources I sought for relief provided any.

I had no idea that getting sober would improve my emotional and spiritual health.  I got sober because I was afraid I would die.  I was concerned only with my physical health.  As a result of working a program of recovery, I not only felt better physically, I also began improving in all areas of mental health.  By working a program of recovery, I found a personal relationship with the God of my understanding.  Little by little, day by day, I began to place more reliance on God and less on my mere mortal self.  I looked at my past and made amends for wrongs, and began living a life that was clean and simple.  I began a process of self inquiry and actually gained insight on myself and my addiction.  I became less self focused and started trying to help others. Recently, I’ve gone even further and started looking at all the other addictions that I struggle with, and have started recovering from them as well.   I have come to see that the only relief from myself was through God.   I no longer fear the future.  I have hope that as long as stay close to God and others, I will be okay.  What a miracle!!

The difference between the way I used to live and the life I have today is night and day.  I would not trade this peace of mind for any drink or drug.  My addiction was my path to God, and for that, I am grateful.  Thank you, addiction.  Thank you for taking me to God.  I love you.

xo,

C.

.addict6

 

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