WHEN WE WANT ONE THING, BUT DO ANOTHER

“All of our suffering in life is from saying we want one thing, and doing another.” – Debbie Ford

I, like many, tend to learn things the hard way.  Recently, my therapist called me out on the fact that I said I wanted one thing and yet I behaved in the total opposite way.   I did not like hearing that and basically stormed out of her office.  However, a few days later, I came across the Debbie Ford quote (above), and could not deny the truth of my therapist’s statement.

For example, I say that I want to be healthy, and yet have found myself bingeing on sugar (AGAIN!) this Holiday season.  I blame it on “stress,” and that is certainly a reasonable explanation.  I am a stress eater and with my dad’s failing health, I have been under a lot of stress lately.  Yet, there are simple solutions to this problem of bingeing on sugar:  I could remove sugar-y options from the house.  But I don’t.  One night in particular, I apparently binged on 9 chocolate truffles between the time I went  to sleep, and the time I woke up.  I know this because I just threw the wrappers on the ground.  When I awoke, I counted the wrappers and was shocked by my behavior.  candy

I set out that day with the intention to eat healthy and awoke to find that I had over consumed, yet again.

In addition, I say that I want a “healthy relationship,” and yet I have behaved in ways counter to that assertion.  I have sabotaged relationships with good, healthy men, and encouraged drama with unhealthy, inappropriate men.  I say that I want to get my finances under control, and yet, I continue to spend with reckless abandon on things that have very little significance to my life.  And at the end of the day I wonder why I am not any closer to my goals.

I don’t have the answers, yet, as to why I continue to say I want one thing and then do another.  But, perhaps, just as with my drug and alcohol problem, I have to accept that my behavior is not aligned with my goals in order to start changing.  I have to see my unhealthy patterns in black and white to begin changing them.  And I have to be accountable.  Hence, this blog post.  And, most importantly, I suspect, I have to ask my Higher Power to help me with my sugar, men, and money issues on a daily basis, just as I do every morning regarding my alcohol and drug problem.

Here’s to a new start today.

xo,

C.

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2 responses to WHEN WE WANT ONE THING, BUT DO ANOTHER

  1. Rebecca

    Amen! It is NOT easy to make the right choices or not react on the “not so good” choices. I struggle too. But I am so grateful for people like you in my life what help me grow everyday. XxOo

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