“All of our suffering in life is from saying we want one thing, and doing another.” – Debbie Ford
I, like many, tend to learn things the hard way. Recently, my therapist called me out on the fact that I said I wanted one thing and yet I behaved in the total opposite way. I did not like hearing that and basically stormed out of her office. However, a few days later, I came across the Debbie Ford quote (above), and could not deny the truth of my therapist’s statement.
For example, I say that I want to be healthy, and yet have found myself bingeing on sugar (AGAIN!) this Holiday season. I blame it on “stress,” and that is certainly a reasonable explanation. I am a stress eater and with my dad’s failing health, I have been under a lot of stress lately. Yet, there are simple solutions to this problem of bingeing on sugar: I could remove sugar-y options from the house. But I don’t. One night in particular, I apparently binged on 9 chocolate truffles between the time I went to sleep, and the time I woke up. I know this because I just threw the wrappers on the ground. When I awoke, I counted the wrappers and was shocked by my behavior.
I set out that day with the intention to eat healthy and awoke to find that I had over consumed, yet again.
In addition, I say that I want a “healthy relationship,” and yet I have behaved in ways counter to that assertion. I have sabotaged relationships with good, healthy men, and encouraged drama with unhealthy, inappropriate men. I say that I want to get my finances under control, and yet, I continue to spend with reckless abandon on things that have very little significance to my life. And at the end of the day I wonder why I am not any closer to my goals.
I don’t have the answers, yet, as to why I continue to say I want one thing and then do another. But, perhaps, just as with my drug and alcohol problem, I have to accept that my behavior is not aligned with my goals in order to start changing. I have to see my unhealthy patterns in black and white to begin changing them. And I have to be accountable. Hence, this blog post. And, most importantly, I suspect, I have to ask my Higher Power to help me with my sugar, men, and money issues on a daily basis, just as I do every morning regarding my alcohol and drug problem.
Here’s to a new start today.